Inner Turmoil
I have been fighting with myself for a little bit lately. You try all of your life to become a better person and make mature decisions. But every once in a blue moon that immature, rash decision making, crazy woman rears her ugly head. I think that I am a very rational person and makes logical choices in life. But then sometimes I think I am TOO rational. I don't have enough fun with my decisions or do enough crazy stuff in my life. When I want to do those things, I think about how old I am and how it wouldn't be a good look for a grown ass woman. So I suffer in silence. Maybe I should take more vacations, so I can act a fool in another country where no one knows me. I think I used to be more fun, I am not sure. But I think that I am just responsible now and I wasn't before. *sigh* Being an adult sucks!!!!!! I want to be careless about who I hurt, careless about how I spend my money, careless about my job, careless about life. But I am now a responsible adult who has to pay rent, utilities, go to work everyday. That is not any fun, by any means. How do I make it fun again? Or was it ever really fun? Wreckless and unproductive behavior feels good but the end result is never positive. If I was not responsible, I would not have the things that I possess in life. So I guess I am better off where I am now in life and that crazy lady inside of me will have to back down this time.
I have been fighting with myself for a little bit lately. You try all of your life to become a better person and make mature decisions. But every once in a blue moon that immature, rash decision making, crazy woman rears her ugly head. I think that I am a very rational person and makes logical choices in life. But then sometimes I think I am TOO rational. I don't have enough fun with my decisions or do enough crazy stuff in my life. When I want to do those things, I think about how old I am and how it wouldn't be a good look for a grown ass woman. So I suffer in silence. Maybe I should take more vacations, so I can act a fool in another country where no one knows me. I think I used to be more fun, I am not sure. But I think that I am just responsible now and I wasn't before. *sigh* Being an adult sucks!!!!!! I want to be careless about who I hurt, careless about how I spend my money, careless about my job, careless about life. But I am now a responsible adult who has to pay rent, utilities, go to work everyday. That is not any fun, by any means. How do I make it fun again? Or was it ever really fun? Wreckless and unproductive behavior feels good but the end result is never positive. If I was not responsible, I would not have the things that I possess in life. So I guess I am better off where I am now in life and that crazy lady inside of me will have to back down this time.
