The Priorities of Black Folks

I got an e-mail today at work and it was one of those e-mails that have been around for years. It was something that a white person "supposedly" wrote about the spending habits of African Americans. It talked about the things that we value and it was quite unsettling. I think it was most unsettling because most of it was true, at least in my opinion.

I know some people don't agree and I know some people do agree. And just as I was about to debate my point, someone came along and made it for me.

I have a co-worker who is younger than me. She is a great person, fun and very responsible, but her priorities are not where they should be. Now I am not one to tell young folks what they should or should not do, but in this case I just could not stop talking about it.

This weekend is my co-worker's birthday celebration. Her and her friends are flying to Vegas for All Star weekend. And the conversation went a little like this:

"So what are you guys planning besides parties? You know its gonna be a crazy amount of people out there."

"Yeah, I told myself that I wasn't going to spend more than $200 to get in a club."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"Girl if I pay $200 for anything it better come and sit in my house. What is the most you ever paid to get in the club?"

"When All Star was in Atlanta, I paid $1500 for me and my friends to get in a club."

"That is how I know you are not over 30. You know you can feed a small African Village with $1500?"

Do you get where I am going with this conversation? I have been thinking since this conversation, why would you pay that much money to get in a club? I mean do you get a date with Gilbert Arenas or Allen Iverson when I pay extra money? It just made no sense to me and I STILL cannot wrap my around it. But this conversation was an indicator of why I feel distanced from this generation.

I need somebody to talk about this. Why do young people feel that the more money they spend on something makes it more valuable? You have a Big Body ride, but you own nothing and have no savings. I hope you got space to live in that ride. But how do you guys feel about the priorities of Black folks?

What are your expectations?

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine last night and we talked about expectations. Now everybody has expectations. They may be negative or positive, but everyone has them. I always used to say that I had no expectations of anyone because if they did something unexpected then I would not be surprised. Well, that was a crock of bull. That was my round about way of saying, "I don't trust you and you could do anything to hurt me, so I will keep you at bay." It took me a long time to admit that but I had to face facts that when I am involved with someone I have expectations. Most of the time I set those expectations super high almost impossible to reach. But in my mind they seem reasonable. For example, when I was 16 and in high school I told a young man who was interested in me that I couldn't possible date him. Why? He did not fit the criteria and could not possibly live up to my expectations. Now what the hell type of criteria could I have at 16 since I was still living with my parents. LOL The thought is laughable now, but it made total sense to me as a teenager.

I am writing this because lots of times people say, "whatever happens happens". Please understand that is just a phrase people use not to scare off people with their expectations. Yes whatever happens may happen, but you want it to happen a certain way and follow some type of plan that you have in your head. I want people to know that it is okay to have expectations and it is okay to share those expectations with your partner/friend/lover/family. If that person really cares for you and how you feel, the expectations won't frighten them. But we must also be prepared for the opposite also. Some people may run, get upset, change their attitude about you and it will hurt, but it is not fair to have expectations and not share them with others. Just make sure that your expectations are based on the real and not what others think they should be.

So, what are your expectations?