Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Embarassed to be a woman

I think I had my first period when I was about 11 years old. I knew what it was and I knew what to do, I was just upset that I ruined my favorite pair of white shorts. My mother wasn't shocked, she asked if i was okay and I told her yes. A menstrual cycle is normal for a woman to have. So why is it when it is that time of the month, I am so afraid people will notice I am buying tampons? I am ashamed of this natural event that effects millions of women. Why is that? Maybe its because all of the males I have known have constantly and consistantly attributed something horrible to my period.

"She is acting up, it must be that time of the month."
"Don't mess up my seats, I know it that time of the month."
"Are you always this bitchy when your period is on?"
"If Eve had just left that apple alone, you would be cool. You know that was her curse."

My period is like some wart that sits on the end of my nose once a month. I am so embarrased by it that I try to conceal it for fear of being judged becuase of it. So as the days go on, I am learning to accept "Aunt Flo" and not be shamed by her.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Priorities of Black Folks

I got an e-mail today at work and it was one of those e-mails that have been around for years. It was something that a white person "supposedly" wrote about the spending habits of African Americans. It talked about the things that we value and it was quite unsettling. I think it was most unsettling because most of it was true, at least in my opinion.

I know some people don't agree and I know some people do agree. And just as I was about to debate my point, someone came along and made it for me.

I have a co-worker who is younger than me. She is a great person, fun and very responsible, but her priorities are not where they should be. Now I am not one to tell young folks what they should or should not do, but in this case I just could not stop talking about it.

This weekend is my co-worker's birthday celebration. Her and her friends are flying to Vegas for All Star weekend. And the conversation went a little like this:

"So what are you guys planning besides parties? You know its gonna be a crazy amount of people out there."

"Yeah, I told myself that I wasn't going to spend more than $200 to get in a club."

"What? Are you serious?"


"Girl if I pay $200 for anything it better come and sit in my house. What is the most you ever paid to get in the club?"

"When All Star was in Atlanta, I paid $1500 for me and my friends to get in a club."

"That is how I know you are not over 30. You know you can feed a small African Village with $1500?"

Do you get where I am going with this conversation? I have been thinking since this conversation, why would you pay that much money to get in a club? I mean do you get a date with Gilbert Arenas or Allen Iverson when I pay extra money? It just made no sense to me and I STILL cannot wrap my around it. But this conversation was an indicator of why I feel distanced from this generation.

I need somebody to talk about this. Why do young people feel that the more money they spend on something makes it more valuable? You have a Big Body ride, but you own nothing and have no savings. I hope you got space to live in that ride. But how do you guys feel about the priorities of Black folks?

What are your expectations?

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine last night and we talked about expectations. Now everybody has expectations. They may be negative or positive, but everyone has them. I always used to say that I had no expectations of anyone because if they did something unexpected then I would not be surprised. Well, that was a crock of bull. That was my round about way of saying, "I don't trust you and you could do anything to hurt me, so I will keep you at bay." It took me a long time to admit that but I had to face facts that when I am involved with someone I have expectations. Most of the time I set those expectations super high almost impossible to reach. But in my mind they seem reasonable. For example, when I was 16 and in high school I told a young man who was interested in me that I couldn't possible date him. Why? He did not fit the criteria and could not possibly live up to my expectations. Now what the hell type of criteria could I have at 16 since I was still living with my parents. LOL The thought is laughable now, but it made total sense to me as a teenager.

I am writing this because lots of times people say, "whatever happens happens". Please understand that is just a phrase people use not to scare off people with their expectations. Yes whatever happens may happen, but you want it to happen a certain way and follow some type of plan that you have in your head. I want people to know that it is okay to have expectations and it is okay to share those expectations with your partner/friend/lover/family. If that person really cares for you and how you feel, the expectations won't frighten them. But we must also be prepared for the opposite also. Some people may run, get upset, change their attitude about you and it will hurt, but it is not fair to have expectations and not share them with others. Just make sure that your expectations are based on the real and not what others think they should be.

So, what are your expectations?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Things I am tired of.......

You get a certain age and things that you once enjoyed have become tired and redundant
So here is my list of shit that has been over done

Rap and R&B Music Videos – they really are not as innovative as they used to be. I’m tired of asses shaking; bottle of whatever the popular champagne/liquor is at the moment; rent cars/homes/yachts/jewelry.
Hip-hop Music – If I took away drugs, strip clubs, women, cars, jewelry, etc (i.e. material items), what would most of these dudes talk about. Don’t get me wrong, I love hip hop but its breaking my heart right now.
Big girls calling themselves thick – Dude I’m a big girl and I can’t fool people by using the word thick. When guys think thick, they think Buffie the Body, Tocarra Jones, not Monique or Loretta Devine. Figure out which one you are.
Hood Novels – I am sick sick sick of the Ghetto Gangsta love for a Thug books. I know some of y’all think you stepped up your reading because you bought a few. Believe me you lost.
Low Expectations - I don’t think that I have to say much about this one. We need to do better.

I know I have more things I am tired of but this was all I could think of at the moment.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Don't miss your calling......

I never had a true understanding of the meaning of this phrase until I was an adult. I always felt like it was an adults way of forcing their expectations on you.

"Oh chile you so smart, you should go to law school. You know you don't want to miss your calling."

Law school wasn't my calling. Medical school was not my calling either. Even though at an early age I wanted to go into sports medicine. That was until I got a "D" in Biology and failed Math my freshman year in college. So was I missing my calling because I was drinking too much and having the best time of my life? Naw, because I still graduated on time and that Biology just did not keep my interest. I wasn't passionate about it or anything for that matter. At that point in my life at 17, people had told me twice not to miss my calling. And of course I brushed it completely off and paid those two men no mind. But now that I look back, they saw something in me that I had no idea was there.

The first man was my summer school teacher. He was a really goofy man who was suppose to be teaching government, but I learned more about vigilante justice than anything. He asked us to write a paper about vigilante justice. I wrote an elaborate story about my sister being raped and my father killing the men that did it. (I see you John Gresham a la A Time to Kill) My goofy teacher actually believed it to be real and said to me, "you are a great writer, please don't miss your calling." Humpff, whatever dude. I was on my way to being the LA Lakers team doctor, writing is not for me.

The second man was a man of God who worked with me at the city's summer recreation program for kids 5 to 11. i only took the job to see if I could stand kids. I knew I wanted to have them, but I had no patience with my little cousins ( I love you Stacey, Erika, Donte and LJ). Well I was having a time with the kids, but when I spoke to them in a certain manner they always listened. It was really neat to see them learn something new from what I was saying. And one day during one of my moments with the kids, my co worker turned to me and said, "they really listen to what you say and take well to you speak with them, don't miss your calling. Have you ever thought about ministering or counseling people?" This time I look at him strangely. Why the awkward glance? Because I had just changed my major to Psychology. So now I was spooked.

After those two incidents, I never thought about my calling until last night. As most of you know, I am an academic advisor at a small school in ATL, who is an aspiring writer. I ran into one of my students on my way to the car and she looked a little frazzled. I knew that recently she had some serious life changes and it looked as if it had taken its toll on her. So instead of rushing home, I stopped her and asked how she was doing. What happened then was something that did not come from me, but from a higher power. Most people when they are stressed just want comforting words of encouragement. And I stood in the cold and was able to do that for that student. And when I walked away, you know what I heard?

"Don't miss your calling"

I smiled and I looked up and I said, "I didn't."

I was inspired to write this blog based on that one moment in time. You never know who God puts in your path and why, but don't brush off what people say. Sometimes we don't have that type of vision to seewhat potential you have. Those men pinpointed some things in me that are the focal points of my life right now. It took me a while to get here but I am glad to know I did not miss it.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Sexual Exploitation of Self
This is an epidemic that is sweeping the nation. And I know that feminist of yesteryear are turning over in their graves. I think that somewhere in an effort to take control of how they were viewed, women went a little to the left and started exploiting themselves. Yes if there was any monetary return, women would reap all of the benefits. Women could dictate how they were seen and not let society determine what was sexy and not sexy. But things have gone awry today. The definition of sexy has been thrown away and raunchy has replaced it. Every woman now wants to be a model chick/video hoe/myspace jumpoff. I never knew that was a life goal for some women. I have seen one too many pictures of young ladies in boy shorts with ass cheeks hanging out for my taste. It is wonderful to be proud of your body and not be ashamed of it, but you are leaving nothing to the imagination. I always thought that a great part of male attraction was the mystery. But women are taking away the mystery, actually they are giving it away. In the female mind, we have have won, but we are really taking an "L". Because in the end it is still exploitation. Men are not viewing you any different, its just that now they have your permission to ogle, gawk and see you only as sexual beings. If you want your boobs to hang out, then please don't be upset if he isn't interested in conversation. Your IQ or how many businesses you have is irrelevant the moment your thong sees the light of day. I know it doesn't seem fair, but if you are going to play the game you have to play it smart. So we as women have to take back and redefine "the sexy". Sexy is not equivalent to nudity and nastiness, but it is a subtly that a woman conveys without doing too much. Right now we are working too hard at being sexy but come off more like "hoes". Stop it and tell your friends to stop it. It's not cute.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Inner Turmoil

I have been fighting with myself for a little bit lately. You try all of your life to become a better person and make mature decisions. But every once in a blue moon that immature, rash decision making, crazy woman rears her ugly head. I think that I am a very rational person and makes logical choices in life. But then sometimes I think I am TOO rational. I don't have enough fun with my decisions or do enough crazy stuff in my life. When I want to do those things, I think about how old I am and how it wouldn't be a good look for a grown ass woman. So I suffer in silence. Maybe I should take more vacations, so I can act a fool in another country where no one knows me. I think I used to be more fun, I am not sure. But I think that I am just responsible now and I wasn't before. *sigh* Being an adult sucks!!!!!! I want to be careless about who I hurt, careless about how I spend my money, careless about my job, careless about life. But I am now a responsible adult who has to pay rent, utilities, go to work everyday. That is not any fun, by any means. How do I make it fun again? Or was it ever really fun? Wreckless and unproductive behavior feels good but the end result is never positive. If I was not responsible, I would not have the things that I possess in life. So I guess I am better off where I am now in life and that crazy lady inside of me will have to back down this time.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Sorry ass women.......

I vowed that I would not come down on my fellow females, but sometimes women are just sorry. I am not defending men, it is just time for women to accept responsibility for the part we play in dramas. Some things I just cannot tolerate from women. And it only takes few to ruin it for the rest of us. The majority of the time that I speak to guys about women, some girlfriend did some illogical, unnecessary, crazy, unbelievable thing to him. You know I have a few examples for you.

Example #1 :
This young lady was married with one child. She had a home, her own car and she did not work. Her husband told her in the beginning that he would take care of her. And he did just that. Well one day she decided that the marriage wasn't what she really wanted. Everybody has the right to change their mind about a situation, but I had a problem with her reasoning. She told her husband that she was too young to be married and that she wanted to go to club and hang out and drink. *crickets* Now come on, there has to be another reason. *crickets* That was her only reason for wanting a divorce. She figured she would get custody of her son, keep the house, not work and be able to hit the club with out answering to anybody. *shakes finger* No siree Bobby Jones. It must have slipped her mind that her husband's mother was formerly a paralegal. Not only did he get sound legal advice, his mother mad sure his legal documents were solid with no loopholes. So guess who kept the kid, the house and the cars? But she does get to go to the club as often as she likes.

Example #2:
This young lady is a single parent. When she told her then boyfriend about her pregnancy, he skipped town and to this day has never met his child. Well she met a man who loved her and her child. He bought the child diapers, babysat when she wanted to go out with the girls, and potty trained the little one. They were so close as a FAMILY that the child referred to the man affectionately as "Daddy". This young lady's demise began when she sought outside council about her relationship. And the person she chose to consult was her ex-boyfriend. *ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!????* It all of a sudden became more important for her to side with her friend's and acquaintances than her significant other. She began to talk out of both sides of her neck. She would lay in her boyfriend's arms and the next day tell her friend's he was stalking her. Well as we all know today she is single and still trying to find a mate based on the opinion of her friends. *shakes my head* That is just a shame.

It is to often that I hear women say what a man DID to them, as if they had no control over the situation. A relationship usually has a minimum of 2 people, so women might want to look at what they DID also.